Blogging is hard.
I have to think of something that is interesting, relevant, and true about my work here that will help you all to understand what is happening in my life. Sometimes I truly feel like nothing that has happened would be of interest to any of you and other times I know it will interest you but it is too personal to share with the whole wide web. At times I am so busy to take time from productive "work" to blog seems like a burden. Other times the process of blogging that needs a certain kind of Internet connection just keeps getting kicked off. Of the pictures take so long to upload that my computer seems like it is in pain. This season it has been even harder than usual!
I have been in a waiting phase. Waiting on Him has been incredible. But there is no outward fruit in my work and if any of you would have asked I would have had little ministry to show for it. However, I wanted to tell you about some of this fruit that is hard to outwardly show.
I have been studying Esther, Proverbs, and the women of the Good Book. It has been amazingly encouraging as well as challenging.
I think that most of us are slowly growing. Walking along toward becoming a more Father like individual. I am no different. I cannot adequately explain to you how or when I have grown this season. All I can really do is look behind me and see that this season-hard though it has been-has not been a waste.
Esther's most famous verse comes from chapter 4. It says: "If you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Her response is: "Then I will go to the kind, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish." The thing that I have clung to during this waiting time is that at this time Esther had been queen for some time. They estimate approximately: 5 years. This was a lot of time before her destiny landed in her lap. Father knows exactly when we should act and when we need more preparation. But when the time to act arrives He usually makes it very clear. When the who knows becomes the I know.
I have been wanting to act. Sitting on the edge of my seat longing to be in the battle. But it is as if my time has not yet come. So I have been seeking for guidance. Have I gone the wrong way? Have I missed a door open before me? Should I press harder? Should I change course? It is so tempting to make our own way when we are not sure if our waiting is of the Lord or if it is due to our lack of initiative or disobedience. So I sought wisdom from one of the wisdom books. I was certainly not disappointed.
Proverbs 2:1-6 says: "My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;"
Proverbs 18:1 says: "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement."
Proverbs 19:21 says: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."
Proverbs 4:23-26 says:
Proverbs 16:3 says: "Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established."
Proverbs 11:14 says: "Where there is no guidance, a people fails, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."
I have been reminded that as I seek out His will He surely will give it to me. I have sought the advice of wiser men and women than myself and I have sought my own heart and I came to the resolution that until the door opens either by its owner I am to wait. If it never opens then I will wait for the window to be opened.
I tried to have my ear open for all matter of direction. From the squeak of the door being pushed open to the solid clank of the lock being thrown. I wanted to be clear when I finally made a move.
Psalm 119:34-37 says:
Looking through the Old Testament I have been trying to learn from the women whom Father has named or not named how He wants us to lean. It has been an altogether different experience for me. Most of my life I have read the Old Testament as a way to understand who Father is and what He wants us to learn about Him from the OT.
This time through I am examining the people whom He has associated Himself with and the positive or negative character aspects of each woman. It has been a fascinating and enlightening time.
Sarah and Rachel both have taught me so much regarding waiting. Although, I am not waiting for a child that doesn't seem to be coming, I have been waiting since October to teach some students regarding the risks of the big world. The waiting is hard. Both Sarah and Rachel took matters into their own hands and tried to push through the promise of a child. Those actions caused a lot of trouble for them and the consequences were far reaching into the nations. I learn that often our human desire to control the situations we are in many times leads to our own sorrow later. We need to carefully think through decision that are big choices-making sure that they are in line with Father's word, as well as how it will affect others. The situation of these women also confirmed and reminded me that Father does not always take us out of hard places (like waiting for His promises). Instead, He sends us His strength to endure as well as His presence to comfort us.
Of course there are lots of other lessons He has been teaching me. But these lessons are regarding this period of waiting that I have been doing since October 1.
Ironically, as I waited I decided that a change of scenery would be a good idea and so I traveled to a different area of China to visit some dear friends and see their ministry as well as to just share with them some of the things that have been happening or not happening in my life. :) While there I was able to meet with a woman who was very keen to learn how to facilitate Shine plus she is interested in learning how to facilitate the School Program in her area. I talked to a co-worker in Singapore who also has a group of women who are interested in learning how to facilitate Shine. My bucket began to overflow with opportunities. PTL!!
The season of waiting is officially over as this past week my co-worker and I started a Shine course for the 6 new women who have left prostitution here. From this week on I will be pretty busy with all sorts of activities, trainings, relationship building, and teaching work. His faithfulness is always sure.
