I have this picture of the gorgeous Nebraskan plains. I didn't take it but a friend of mine took it. It is from the front seat of a car. You can see the road stretching out into the west (I imagine we are going west) and at the far end of the road you can barely make out an incline as if we are trying to go up to the mountains. But the picture clearly shows the empty golden fields of recently cut corn or grain on either side. Reminding the one looking at the picture that farming is indeed important and the center of Nebraska pride. I love this picture. I hate this picture.
I love this picture when I am in a good place. It calls me to adventure. Nudges me to do the right thing, to stay on the right path. The stark emptiness speaks freedom to my soul and draws a longing from me to see what is beyond the next corner. This long lonely road is America to me. With the deep blue sky and the bright greens of the ditch grass. The sparsely placed telephone poles and the occasional cow. Someones homestead far in the distance. This is Home. Goodness, life, joy, and wonder. It brings back road tripping memories from college and reminds me that all you need in life is for a good friend, some good wheels, and a really good mix of music to have a good day. This road evokes the vision of the windows rolled down, speeding at least 80 mph, and two voices singing at the top of their voices: "Cowboy take me away. Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue. Set me free oh I pray closer to heaven above and closer to you. Closer to you." Hear Song.
I hate this picture when I am in a bad place. It tells me that I am alone. The mocking is so loud. There is no one who is where you are. No one understands what you are going through. It is so barren and sad. Not to mention that the cut fields suggest the coming of winter. The journey will never be over and I will never reach home. I struggle to see the next sign of human life and can only see the barest of evidence that there is any other life here. The distant cows seem to suggest a hopelessness that not even they would give me moral support. This is so monotonous and quiet. The colors' beauty is lost on me and all I can see is depressing hues. Darkness, like perhaps the storm is right around the corner. Everything about the picture is filled with loneliness. Desolation, fear, anger, friendlessness, the never ending sorrow of searching but not finding. It speaks of the heat of unshed tears, the tightness in my chest and throat when I have just said goodbye to my mom and dad for a year. It is when my heart is aching asking in it's quiet meek voice: " I don't wanna leave here, I don't wanna stay. Feels like pinching to me either way and the places I long for the most are the places where I've been. The Future seems so hard and I wanna go back." Hear Song.
Do you have something like this in your life? Something that is the best thing when you are doing well but seems to bring you down or taunt you when you are not?? What do you do with those things? Do you open a drawer and shut them inside where you cannot see them? Do you pin them up on the bulletin board so that you get as much joy as you can? For me it is collecting dust on my desk, covered by piles of other papers. Today I was reminded about it as I sat on the bus, way in the back, crying. It was the picture that came to my mind. China sometimes feels like this picture.
At times it (China) makes me so very happy, all I can see are the wonderful and hilarious parts. Other times I feel suffocated. Pressed in by all that is different, coarse, and dirty. These are the days when I say: China wins!! Today I go home put on some good music and sort my laundry. Blog and then go back out into the world to go to my language helper's for more language learning.
That is the key I think. Continuing on despite the way the world makes you feel. Doing what is right when you want to and when you don't . Choosing to be a positive citizen to those around you whether they are kind to you or not. Looking to the Only One Who Knows All when you don't know anything at all. Some days those small prayers are all you can do. One step in front of the last one is all you can focus on.
"I'm so very ordinary, nothing special on my own. Oh, I have never walked on water, and I have never calmed a storm, sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me like a child who's afraid of the dark but when I call on J-sus all things are possible." Hear Song.
Here I am, Plodding along here. Slowly but with the help of the One Above getting somewhere, even if I don't know where that somewhere is.
I love this picture when I am in a good place. It calls me to adventure. Nudges me to do the right thing, to stay on the right path. The stark emptiness speaks freedom to my soul and draws a longing from me to see what is beyond the next corner. This long lonely road is America to me. With the deep blue sky and the bright greens of the ditch grass. The sparsely placed telephone poles and the occasional cow. Someones homestead far in the distance. This is Home. Goodness, life, joy, and wonder. It brings back road tripping memories from college and reminds me that all you need in life is for a good friend, some good wheels, and a really good mix of music to have a good day. This road evokes the vision of the windows rolled down, speeding at least 80 mph, and two voices singing at the top of their voices: "Cowboy take me away. Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue. Set me free oh I pray closer to heaven above and closer to you. Closer to you." Hear Song.
I hate this picture when I am in a bad place. It tells me that I am alone. The mocking is so loud. There is no one who is where you are. No one understands what you are going through. It is so barren and sad. Not to mention that the cut fields suggest the coming of winter. The journey will never be over and I will never reach home. I struggle to see the next sign of human life and can only see the barest of evidence that there is any other life here. The distant cows seem to suggest a hopelessness that not even they would give me moral support. This is so monotonous and quiet. The colors' beauty is lost on me and all I can see is depressing hues. Darkness, like perhaps the storm is right around the corner. Everything about the picture is filled with loneliness. Desolation, fear, anger, friendlessness, the never ending sorrow of searching but not finding. It speaks of the heat of unshed tears, the tightness in my chest and throat when I have just said goodbye to my mom and dad for a year. It is when my heart is aching asking in it's quiet meek voice: " I don't wanna leave here, I don't wanna stay. Feels like pinching to me either way and the places I long for the most are the places where I've been. The Future seems so hard and I wanna go back." Hear Song.
Do you have something like this in your life? Something that is the best thing when you are doing well but seems to bring you down or taunt you when you are not?? What do you do with those things? Do you open a drawer and shut them inside where you cannot see them? Do you pin them up on the bulletin board so that you get as much joy as you can? For me it is collecting dust on my desk, covered by piles of other papers. Today I was reminded about it as I sat on the bus, way in the back, crying. It was the picture that came to my mind. China sometimes feels like this picture.
At times it (China) makes me so very happy, all I can see are the wonderful and hilarious parts. Other times I feel suffocated. Pressed in by all that is different, coarse, and dirty. These are the days when I say: China wins!! Today I go home put on some good music and sort my laundry. Blog and then go back out into the world to go to my language helper's for more language learning.
That is the key I think. Continuing on despite the way the world makes you feel. Doing what is right when you want to and when you don't . Choosing to be a positive citizen to those around you whether they are kind to you or not. Looking to the Only One Who Knows All when you don't know anything at all. Some days those small prayers are all you can do. One step in front of the last one is all you can focus on.
"I'm so very ordinary, nothing special on my own. Oh, I have never walked on water, and I have never calmed a storm, sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me like a child who's afraid of the dark but when I call on J-sus all things are possible." Hear Song.
Here I am, Plodding along here. Slowly but with the help of the One Above getting somewhere, even if I don't know where that somewhere is.
Picture by David Hutcheson.
2 comments:
Thanks for your thoughts! I hope you continue to share them! Somehow music helps us put just the right words to our thoughts/feelings at the moment. Maybe that is why He gave it to us as a gift...remember, home is where we are together, when we are together...that can be over the airwaves as well as in a car driving the highways. You are thought of daily! XOXOXO Mom
I agree with your Mom! Music and art both can produce so much feeling in us that it seems we can't contain it all! But we don't have to. He fills us and carries us. Run to him! Thinking often of you!
Post a Comment